Today is the tenth anniversary of my husband’s death. How could it be? It doesn’t seem that long ago that I heard his voice, felt his touch, saw him sitting at the desk. He is unforgettable.
I woke up this morning with puffy eyes and a stuffy nose. I wonder, is it possible to cry in your sleep and not know it? That’s what it felt like. I gazed into the mirror and it looked like I had been crying, but there were no tears running down my face. Just a swollen face, void of any emotion. This is how my day started.
I decide to take a walk to move my energy and see if any emotion at all would appear. I feel empty until I turn the corner and see the morning sunrise through the tree. Its light is warming, comforting, and spectacular and I feel for the first time today—wonder. And that wonder brings a smile to my face, and for a moment, I feel joy. Then the sorrow sets back in.
When I arrive home, a thought appears that it would be nice to pick up a croissant from Don’s favorite bakery. So I tell my daughter and we go. Holding Helen’s amazing croissants in my to-go bag, we get back into the car. The radio plays Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole’s duet, Unforgettable. I think what a perfect song in remembrance of today. And a great reminder to think about all the wonderful and unforgettable moments we shared, like our wedding day, the birth of our daughter, and our first house.
But also all the incredible, but sometimes seemly unimportant, everyday moments, like tasting his grilled rosemary mustard chicken, Friday night dinners, or how my head fit perfectly on his shoulder when he hugged me. Or his laughter and the way he smiled. I miss all that and I miss even the stuff that used to annoy me, like his snoring or leaving socks on the floor.
The saying goes that you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. It’s so true. Today I want to remember all of it. The good and the annoying because what is annoying today, I may miss tomorrow.
What I now realize is the gift that today holds. So many moments that seem unimportant may be tomorrow’s treasure. So appreciate today. You never know what tomorrow may bring.
Today is about remembering Don. Thank you for twenty-five incredible, unforgettable years! I am forever grateful to have shared my life with you. Thank you for sharing your family with me, all your words of wisdom, your love, and for accepting and supporting me for who I am. I cherish all of our moments. Love you always!