I am reminded this time of year of how grief sneaks into your life and never fully goes away. When you experience the loss of a loved one, there is a period of intense grief and nothing else in the world seems to matter. As time passes and the grief eases, you may find some hidden pain still residing in your heart. And that pain can pop up at anytime, anywhere. You can’t schedule your grief for 2 pm. It appears when it wants to on its own schedule, not yours. I have learned to let it just happen and ride the wave as the pain passes through me.
“Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
This coming week is a reminder of such grief with the one year anniversary of the death of my friend’s son and the birthday of my husband. I want everyone to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief is something we all share in common, but we each experience it differently. Everyone will grieve in a matter that feels right to them. Give yourself the time you need to feel the grief. For me, it helped to surrender to my emotions, whether it was sadness, anger, or something else. By letting my feelings run through me, it led me to a path of healing.
I don’t think you can “fix” or solve grief. It just needs to be experienced to move forward. In a New York Times’ article Understanding Grief, a bereaved mother said, “You never ‘get over it,’ you ‘get on with it,’ and you never ‘move on,’ but you ‘move forward.’”
Grief comes in many forms and is a loss of something that you cherished. It can be the loss of a job or marriage. Or if you are dealing with a sickness, you can grieve the loss of your health. You are grieving for the life you once had that no longer exists. It takes time to adjust to a different life or circumstances. Give yourself the time to allow yourself to heal.
If you are currently grieving in your life, give yourself permission to feel your emotions. You may not realize it but you actually start your healing journey when you allow yourself to experience the pain and move through it. At least that is what I have found. May your journey be filled with self-love and compassion.
“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.“ – Anne Roiphe