Four Love Dialects – How We Communicate Love

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Love valentineIn the book The Noticer by Andy Andrews, he describes that there are four main dialects on love. These dialects are how we communicate our love to one another but also how we feel love in return. If a loved one expresses their love for you in the way they understand love, and you don’t use that same dialect, then you may not feel his/her love.

Andy describes the four main dialects on how we express and receive love.



  1. Spoken words of approval – people who communicate this way say “I love you” by using words. They also respond best when you use words to express your love to them. This group are like puppy dogs because praise gets the best reaction. But using negative words, criticism or anger makes them feel like they are being attacked.
  2. Favors and deeds – This group of people feel love when you do something for them to shows that you love them. Cooking dinner, getting the car washed or helping around the house proves that you love them. They don’t need to be spoken to or touched to feel love. Andy describes this group like goldfish because they think you love them because you cleaned their bowl.
  3. Physical contact – a hug, a kiss or foot rub will make this group feel loved. Andy states “It may be the only way they feel loved”. Cats are good analogy because when they want to express love, they rub up against you. They are saying “touch me and people are the same way” says Andy.
  4. Expressed in quality time – this group (which is me) feel loved by spending one-on-one time with another person. If a person says to you “I wish we spent more time together or You’re not around much” that is a sign that they need to feel love by spending “undivided attention” with each other says Andy. He states they are like a canary that says “Just be with me”.

I think we all need all of the above at times but that our soul feels love more deeply in one of the above categories. If you do not use the same dialect that your loved one uses, they may feel unloved even though you are doing many things for them. “The way we feel love is usually the same way we express love” says Andy. Figure out how your better half and loved ones express love and if you do that same expression in return, then you will be communicating in the same love language and that love will be felt much more deeply.

Take time to see how your loved ones express their love for you and offer that same expression back to them. This may be one of the greatest gifts you can give to them and to yourself!

Share your love with others and the whole world will be a happier place. Happy Valentine’s Day!


Andy’s inspiration for the above came from a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The 5th one is Gifts. Some people feel they are loved most when they are given gifts. You can take a quiz to see what your love language is at


Music Videos – Put A Little Love In Your Heart Annie Lennox and Al Green   Lulu Jackie DeShannon

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