Are you comfortable with being alone? Or going solo to an event? If it’s the latter, maybe we’re afraid of judgment, or who am I going to talk to, or what will people think. Oh, that poor girl can’t get a date. Why do we even care about others’ perceptions?

Maybe it all started when no one wanted to play with us on the school playground. We could have thought that something was wrong with us if we weren’t part of a group. We all have experienced this feeling. The fear of not being included or accepted is very real.

To help with this insecurity, we can first learn to be comfortable with ourselves. The question we should ask is: Do I really like myself? I believe answering yes is the key to independence, liberation, and freedom. It means that you are comfortable in your own skin and you don’t need to rely on anyone else’s approval.

If the answer isn’t a big yes, then there is some work to do to get to a place where we love ourselves. And I don’t think this is a one-and-done. Sometimes I love myself and at other times I’m critical. The goal is to be less critical and live more in self-love. To do this, we need to spend time with just ourselves.

Here Are Six Solo Activities To Help You Get Comfortable Being Alone

Take a walk in nature. Look at the trees, hear the birds, feel the breeze. When you connect with nature, you realize you are not alone.

1. Take a walk in nature. Look at the trees, hear the birds, feel the breeze. When you connect with nature, you realize you are not alone.

2. Go to an event—a farmers’ market, a concert, or a conference.

3. Take yourself on a date for coffee, breakfast, or lunch.

4. Give yourself a break by taking a mini vacation or go on a retreat. 

5. Just be still and see what thoughts and emotions appear. Maybe there is self-talk that needs revision or even deleted.

6. Free write to tap into your inner thoughts. Let the subconscious take over. Just write, don’t stop or edit, even if it makes little sense. Reflection will come later.

The above steps will help you learn more about yourself. Being comfortable being alone is one of the best things you can do to build up your confidence and increase your peace and overall well-being. Solitude helps you to find your center, your strengths, and reclaim your power. We should take time to connect with ourselves. I found this is best done when I’m alone, so I’m not influenced by other people.

I’ve done all the above, and it isn’t always. It can be very uncomfortable at first. The first vacation I took by myself was scary. I checked into the hotel room and within five minutes I thought, “What have I done”? Insecurities came up and the thought of how I was going to entertain myself for the next few days felt overwhelming. I wanted to leave and go back to the safety of my home.

When it was time for dinner, I thought about ordering room service so I wouldn’t be sitting solo at the restaurant. But I went and saw that everyone one had a partner. I sat down alone at my table and ate dinner. And you know what? No one cared. I was worrying needlessly about what others would think. On the walk back to my hotel room, I felt empowered because I overcame my insecurity about being alone. 

The next morning, I took a guided hike and met a woman in her 70s from Omaha, Nebraska. She said she preferred to take trips by herself so she could create her own schedule instead of following someone else’s wants. I thought if she can do this, so can I! 

Another time I was going to a funeral in a different city and the first night I was by myself at dinner. I didn’t think of bringing a book to make me feel less anxious. Then the host brought over a newspaper and having something to read made me feel less alone. 

And there was the time that I went to a concert by myself and the woman next to me said, “Who does that?” I answered proudly, me! The true benefit of traveling solo is that you are the one who chooses where you want to go. And you really get to know yourself better because you find out your likes and dislikes without external input. Solitude allows you to learn more about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Spend more time getting to know you

Many of us don’t spend the time to get to know who we really are. We rush from task to task during the day and fill our nights with electronic distractions. We feel the constant need to be entertained instead of stopping to reflect on what we want, where are we going, and who we are.

So how do you get to know yourself better? Start by creating a list of what you like about yourself.

1. What are your best qualities? Is it kindness, empathy, compassion, loyalty, honesty, resiliency, or accountability?

2. What do you excel in professionally, in relationships, home life, hobbies, or personal development?

3. What brings you joy? Do you like to hike, travel, read, bake, arrange flowers, sip tea, listen to music, or pursue artistic activities?

4. What is it that makes your heart sing?

Now that you have your best qualities list, ask yourself why are you good at these things. Connecting a why brings in more clarity about yourself. If you are not sure of your what or why, then sit quietly. It may not appear at first, but soon something will reveal itself—what is unconscious will become conscious. 

You may discover that being alone isn’t bad. In fact, it’s healing. Be your own anchor. It’s freeing!

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash