We all carry an invisible rulebook in our heads. It tells us what’s “allowed,” who we can be, and what’s possible for us. Some of these are limiting beliefs and can hold us back from reaching our potential.
But here’s the truth: most of these rules aren’t facts. They’re assumptions, behaviors, habits, or inherited opinions. Yes, we absorb other’s opinions and beliefs, especially ones created in childhood. However, many of these we unconsciously turned into limits.
Psychologists call mental filters that shape how we see ourselves and the world, cognitive biases and schemas. Many of these we’ve created are false and limiting beliefs.
But here’s good news! Since these beliefs are learned, they can be unlearned and rewritten.
Where Inner Rules Come From
- Cultural conditioning: “People in our family don’t…” These were taught to us by family, friends, those around us on what they believe is acceptable or normal.
- Personal experiences: “Since I failed at this before, I always will.” This usually stems from a painful moment, like failing a test, not getting a job, or a relationship ending. Know that just because something has happened before doesn’t mean it will again. You know more now.
- Protective patterns: “Better not try. It’s safer here.” Our brains want safety because it’s comfortable; we know what to expect. But this type of thinking can keep us small.
- Old roles and labels: “I’m the responsible one / quiet one / helper.” Just because you’ve been this is the past doesn’t mean it has to continue. You can revise your labels and roles.
At one point, these beliefs may have been there to protect you. Now, they might confine or holding you back. Once you start questioning them, many begin to crumble and fall apart.
Spot the Invisible Scripts
Listen for sentences that start with:
- “I can’t…”
- “I always…”
- “I never…”
- “That’s not for me.”
- “I’m not the type of person who…”
- “I don’t have the education / credential / experience.”
These limiting belief phrases act like locks on doors. But these doors aren’t that actually closed. We just perceive them to be.
“Don’t believe everything you think.” — Unknown
Know that just because you have a thought, doesn’t make it true.
How to Rewrite Limiting Beliefs
Research has shown that we can rewire automatic mental patterns. This is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT.) We can reframe our beliefs and what we think are facts. One way is to look at these and ask questions. By being curious and having an open mind, we can discover other possibilities.
Step 1: Catch the thought/belief
“I’m not good with technology.” (This is one I used to say.)
Step 2: Question it
- Is there evidence for it?
- Evidence against it?
- Where did I learn this?
Step 3: Reframe into a flexible belief
Rephrase the belief into something more empowering. Here are a few examples:
- “Lack of experience doesn’t equal lack of ability.”
- “Sometimes I struggle, but mistakes help me to learn.”
- “The first time doing something isn’t proof I can’t; it’s proof I’m trying.”
- “Not having done it yet doesn’t limit what I can achieve.”
- “I may be new to it, but I’m more than capable of succeeding.”
Step 4: Create a microstep.
Take a small, tiny action. Each step builds knowledge and confidence. And don’t worry about making mistakes; it’s how we learn what not to do.
Below are some tiny action steps:
- Create an outline
- Watch a short how-to tutorial
- Ask someone who has been successful before
- Breakdown your goal into small steps and take action on one step.
- Just do something.
You may not complete the whole step, but at least you started. As the saying goes, “Just put one foot in front of the other.” Then you’ll discover you are walking out the door and onto a new path.
Reframe your belief and know that each small step helps to create and strengthen a new story or belief.
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — Christopher Robin, Winnie The Pooh
Simple Scripts to Practice
Swap rigid rules for empowering ones by adopting flexible thinking. Think curiosity over self-criticism.
| Old Belief | New Empowering Statement |
| “I’m not creative.” | “Creativity grows with practice. I explore new ideas.” |
| “I always procrastinate.” | “I take small steps to build momentum.” |
| “I don’t deserve success.” | “I’m learning to believe in my own potential.” |
| “I can’t speak up.” | “My voice matters, and I share when I’m ready.” |
Speak the new statements with belief, even if you don’t believe them yet. Then take small steps to reinforce them. Taking action, coupled with new thinking, leads to proof in the new belief.
Micro-Actions to Make It Stick
- Write one new belief on a sticky note
- Say it aloud once in the mirror
- Do a quick behavior that matches it (send one email, make one request, try one idea)
Progress beats perfection. Every tiny shift tells your brain a new truth.
Why This Works
- CBT: Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Results
- Neuroplasticity: The brain rewires through repetition
- Growth mindset research: Beliefs and identity is expandable, not fixed
Your mind believes what you repeatedly do, not just what you say.
The Freedom Beyond False Rules and “Shoulds”
Rewriting limiting beliefs isn’t about pretending life is perfect. It’s becoming aware and choosing possibility over autopilot.
When you see beliefs as suggestions, not never-to-be-broken rules, life opens up. You stop being ruled by invisible scripts, such as “Success must look this way” or “I should be further along.” Who says so?
Instead, start writing your own story with truth, flexibility, and self-trust as your new guidelines.
You don’t need permission to question the rules you live by. You’re the author. The narrator. The editor of your inner script.
Start with one old belief you want to change.
Rewrite it.
Act on it.
Repeat.
In time, these small shifts lead to changing your limiting beliefs and writing a new chapter. And before you know it, you’ve revised the book called MY LIFE.
The rulebook was never meant to be set in stone. It was penciled in so you can revise it. As we evolve, we know more.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” — Maya Angelou
You’re holding the eraser. What will you do next?
For more, read here: https://lynnlokpayne.com/let-go-of-crippling-stories-and-outdated-beliefs/
For more inspiration,m check out this Inc. article: https://www.inc.com/scott-mautz/a-harvard-psychologist-shows-how-to-change-those-limiting-beliefs-you-still-have-about-yourself.html
