What is the secret to living a happier, longer life? Good genes, eating right, exercising? While beneficial, they are not the most important factor.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, launched in 1938, monitored the physical and mental well-being of its surviving male participants for almost 80 years. Eventual President John F. Kennedy was one of the recruits. Overtime, the study’s scope broadened to include the men’s offspring and control groups, including inner-city and wives.
Biggest Predictor
And what was the biggest predictor to living a healthy, happy life? “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” 1 says Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
The study showed that close relationships, not money or fame, is key to lifelong happiness. Protecting against life’s challenges, these bonds help postpone mental and physical decline and predict long, happy lives better than social class, IQ, or genetic factors. The results were consistent for both the Harvard participants and inner-city groups.
“When we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicated how they were going to grow old,” 2 said Waldinger in a popular TED Talk. “It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationship at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” 3
Happier Relationships
Marital satisfaction protects mental well-being. Those happily married in their eighties said their moods didn’t suffer despite physical pain. Those with unhappy marriages had more emotional and physical pain. People who had good relationships are happier and live longer versus loners who often die earlier. Waldinger says, “Loneliness kills,” and “It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.” 4
Midlife relationship satisfaction predicts healthy aging better than genetics or family history. This research also disproved the theory that personalities are fixed by age 30. One of the researchers, psychiatrist George Valliant, stated, “Those who were clearly train wrecks when they were in their 20s or 25s turned out to be wonderful octogenarians,” 5 he said. “On the other hand, alcoholism and major depression could take people who started life as stars and leave them at the end of their lives as train wrecks.” 6
Work and other obligations can easily consume our time. This study emphasizes that cultivating positive relationships is key to a happier and healthier life.
The Roseto Effect
A study took place from 1955 to 1965 in a small town in eastern Pennsylvania, Roseto. This town was settled by immigrants from southern Italy in the 1880s. They discovered that the men in the town had nearly no heart attacks and no sign of peptic ulcers. “The relevant records further revealed that there were no suicides, no drug addiction, and no alcoholism in Roseto and the crime rate in Roseto was virtually nonexistent.” 7 “Rosetans were somewhere around half as likely to be stricken with things like heart attacks, hypertension and strokes,” 8 compared to other towns. Instead, they died of old age.
Researchers first thought it was because of their diet. But 41% of their calorie’s came from fat, not what you would call a healthy diet, so this was not the reason. Many were over weight or had obesity issues and they didn’t exercise. But these were not the answers. Then they looked at genetics. Again, not the reason.
“If you’re thinking about the difference in geographical location – no, not even that. The European immigrants living in Nazareth and Bangor towns, just a few miles from Roseto, were as hard-working as the Rosetans. But the rate of heart disease was three times higher among them than that of Rosetans.” 9
“Rather than genetics, diet or geography, the social structure and culture of the Rosetans were the core reason for their long and happy lives.” 10 They were a close knit community, often with several generations living in one house. “Stress levels were so low they were practically off the charts (in a good way) and lifespans reflected the unique comfort level. It became a phenomenon referred to as the “Roseto effect,” by which a close-knit community experiences a reduced rate of heart disease and extended life span.” 11
“As Malcolm Gladwell indicated in his book Outliers – the high quality of interpersonal relationships was the reason for the Rosetans’ long and happy lives.” 12 Forming strong relationships is a key factor to happiness and living a long life.
Here are five tips to building happier, better relationships:
1. Listen More Than You Speak
Active listening builds trust and makes people feel valued. Give them your full attention, ask thoughtful questions, and avoid interrupting.
2. Show Appreciation Regularly
A simple “thank you” or acknowledgment of their efforts goes a long way. Small acts of gratitude strengthen emotional bonds.
3. Prioritize Quality Time
Make time for meaningful interactions—without distractions. Even short, focused moments of connection are more powerful than hours of distracted time together.
4. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Share your thoughts and feelings with honesty, but also with kindness. Clear and respectful communication prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.
5. Be Reliable and Keep Your Promises
Consistency matters in relationships. Follow through on your commitments, be there when they need you, and show that they can count on you.
Final Thoughts
There’s a powerful, internal pull, a yearning for connection that lives within everyone. And the quality of your relationships significantly affects your well-being. So, take time to deepen your bonds. It will improve your overall health and well-being.
What’s one step you can take today to foster a stronger bond?
2-6 Ibid
7 https://www.tbsnews.net/thoughts/roseto-effect-secret-long-life-512826
8 – 12 Ibid.
For more inspiration: https://lynnlokpayne.com/relationships-and-the-desire-to-belong-why-we-hunger-for-them/
